yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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