I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The ass gains better be worth it
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