Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there's paper in my vomit.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
