There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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