:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
