forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
