Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???