You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.