remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho