Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed