I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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