____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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