i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.