every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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