I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
