do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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