plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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