Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
