so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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