He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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