If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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