I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
