just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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