i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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