I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
