I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
