my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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