I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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