the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
