Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
