i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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