Can i not drive my cunt home
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
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There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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