not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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As shirtless as possible
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
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Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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