i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want to make a zoo with you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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