I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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