dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
