Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
