All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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