never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
