I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
