just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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