dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
