There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
