Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
