the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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