she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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