He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
