took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
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she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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