I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
