His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
