Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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