Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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