Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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