Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
