i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
