They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
