Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
no, he came in my armpit
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize