I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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