Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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