Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
