I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
