So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
