Got a toothbrush?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
