The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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